It's been a week & 2days since Youth Camp 08'.
It was an awesome experience. i found what i was looking for, God. i found Him in a place where i go just to stay away from home, camp. thru the roughest times in my life, i've been looking so hard for God, but i cld never find Him. i was never sensetive enough to feel His love, feel the warmth of His embrace. i expected nothing out of camp, just the same as all other camps. i went there an empty vessel. An empty spirit. Dormant spirit. i've never experienced much of God in my life so i always feel so empty. it was thru the roughest period of my life, loosing my friends. me as a person was totally empty & unreceptive to anything. i went to camp burdened.
Camp rocked my world. it shook my world so hard walls began to fall & i saw wat was truly there, God. the only stronghold. the only One that stands when all else fails. i was baptised in the Spirit along every other youth at the camp. we were praying for the gift of tongues. [for non-Christians: it's sorta lyk speaking in another language just that you dun noe what it means. It's the Spirit flowing freely leading you in moving your lips & expressing what u dun understand. A language only God n angels understand. sumtimes it's the language of a diff tribe so ppl of that tribe may understand, just depends on what the Spirit leads you to say.] the first nite, i cldn't do it at all. i felt so unimportant. lyk God forgot abt me. so i thought maybe, this just isn't for me. i tried. i didn't give up.so no one in my Bible study grp cld yet. so we persevered. i slept that night with disappointment.
the next nite, we prayed hard. i prayed so hard. i didn't want to be the one that cldn't recieve sumthing so precious. i prayed, i cried. i got my gift of tongues. i just had to let my mind shut off, & let the heart take over. it was terribly hard for me cos things didn't make sense. the speaker, prayed for us. for that conviction in our hearts. on all the pp we love n care. how they're gonna be damned to hell without God, & how we just let them fall that way. i cried so so hard. i didn't want anybody at all to go lyk that.i kept seeing PeiLin. how i noe she suffers. how she just dun say much abt it. i saw that. i lost her as a friend i guess & the first to pop in my head was her. i prayed n prayed n prayed Oh Lord how i wanted Him to spare her n everyone else. i was so broken. so empty. i dunno her problems but i want to save her. at a time lyk this she probably doesn't even care abt wat i say. & i dunno what to do, so the Bible says, Commit everything to the Lord in prayer. so i just prayed. the whole cohord was crying for the love of ppl. after we prayed we sang song of praises n jumped for the glory of the Lord. for the very first time, i saw us youth jump as a grp lyk this. how much love n zest for God we had. pure joy. we jumped to 5 songs consecative. till we perspired lyk we'd just ran 5km n till our legs were wary. still we wanted to jump n sing praises to the Lord on high.
to see so much joy n love for the Lord was truly remarkable. i've never seen my church on fire as such. LET'S KEEP THE FLAME ALIVE!
~God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.

9:37 PM
"these words were never easier for me to say or her to 2nd guess. i guess, i can live without u, but without u i'll be miserable at best"