Nonchalent....

i think on monday 2 weeks ago, i almost died. literally.
i was suppose to meet up with PeiLin, EnQi, Zandra & Eleanor. but eleanor couldn't make it at the 11th hour. So nvm that. We were meeting up at 11 at escape. i left my hse abt 10.15. [was quite early, my hse near escape] so i was at the bus stop at HaiSing at 10.45? so i was j-walking. i was listening to music, so i cldn't hear the cars. i walked, while smsing, did not pay attention to the road but walked & walked. i was half way across & the car almost ran me over. when it honked only den i noticed it was there. i just turned to look at it alil' n carried on walking. i felt nth. no fear. what ran thru my mind was "why aren't i dead? why did it stop?". i was laughing when i told this to peilin & enqi. i'm sumhow turning mentally unsound.... it scares me.the normal me wld be, "OMG! Thank u GOD!!! THANK U THAT I'M NOT DEAD!!" but now. i guess, i'm already dead on the inside. when nothing really matters in life. when u loose sight of everything u worked so hard for. & in the end, u dun even noe y u bothered. chasing meaningless wants. trying ur best to fulfill ur desires. but in the end, u'd find, it was all for nth. God, renew my purpose. i dun wanna die off.

7:56 PM
"these words were never easier for me to say or her to 2nd guess. i guess, i can live without u, but without u i'll be miserable at best"